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Happy? Hell no—makes me wanna yell, “Pick a lane, lady!” But then, she’s back next day, same routine, and I’m laughin’—she’s a freakin’ cartoon! Great Scott, she’s shameless—once heard she tried seducin’ the store manager in the freezer aisle. Didn’t work, tho—dude’s gay as glitter. Ha! “You’re messin’ with the wrong karma!”—straight outta the movie, fits her perfect. She’s a trainwreck, but I can’t look away—kinda admire the hustle, ya know? Whore or not, she’s livin’ loud.

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First off, I hit the high street, you know, like, the main drag? That’s where all the action is. I’m strutting down Station Road, feeling good, when I spot this cute little café, The Coffee House. I’m like, “Yasss, caffeine!” But guess what? The line is longer than the queue for a concert! I’m standing there, tapping my foot, thinking about how I need my fix to deal with the day ahead.

'Structural concerns' close Billingham South Primary School