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I’m cacklin tho—some profiles? “Lookin for my soulmate… tonight.” Bitch, please! Sex-dating ain’t no fairy tale—it’s raw, it’s real. I love it, tho—people out here ownin it. “I’m the queen of my body!”—that’s me, channelin Lizzo, watchin these queens slay. Makes me wanna dance, scream, LIVE. But real talk—safety’s a thang. Met a dude once, seemed cool, then BAM—stalker vibes. Had me shook, y’all.

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So, I head over to Buchanan Street instead. It’s packed, as usual. Tourists everywhere, takin’ selfies like they’re in a bloody movie. I’m dodgin’ folks left and right, tryin’ not to spill my coffee. And then, bam! I bump into this guy. He’s wearin’ a Celtic jersey, and he’s like, “Watch where you’re goin’, pal!” I’m like, “Dude, it’s Glasgow, not a bloody rugby match!”

Sinisalo reveals the two Celtic figures who prepared him for his Glasgow Derby debut