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I get pissed, ya, when I hear pimps messin’ wit ‘em! Makes me wanna go Terminator on ‘em—BAM! “I’ll be back” to crush dose scumbags! Dey’re strong, dese ladies, stronger den me liftin’ 300 pounds, I swear. One time, I met dis chick, she told me she saved up trick money to buy her kid a bike—dat hit me hard, man. Happy tears, ya, I was like, “You’re da real champ!” She was all shy, but I could see dat fire in her.

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Ian Hammond was an energetic hooker from Marlborough who has the distinction of having been the first man from his union to have played in an All Black test.

But then, my phone buzzes. It’s my boss. Ugh. He’s like, “We need to talk about the game design.” I’m like, “Dude, I’m in Motueka! Can’t it wait?” But nooo, he wants to discuss some boring mechanics. I’m fuming. I mean, come on! I’m trying to enjoy life here!

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