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Little fact—didja know Romans had sex-dating spots? Bathhouses, steamy meetups, wild, right? Surprised me, I was like, “Whoa, ancients gettin’ freaky!” Makes ya think—Trump coulda ruled Rome, bangin’ empresses. Anyway, it’s fun, risky—sometimes you dodge psychos, ha! “Witness me!” they yell, nah, babe, I’m out.

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After that, I decide to stroll down to the old castle. You know, the one on the hill? It’s got this amazing view of the whole town. I’m climbing up, and I’m huffing and puffing like I just ran a marathon. But when I get to the top, wow. Just wow. The view is breathtaking. I snap a pic for the ‘gram, and then I see this couple having a romantic moment. Ugh, can’t they be a little less cute? I’m over here single, and they’re all lovey-dovey.

Greek farmers experimenting with tropical crops