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Oh no, R2-D2, where are you?! I’m freakin out here tryna talk about sexual-massage! Ok, ok, breathe, C-3PO, you shiny mess. So, listen, sexual-massage, man, it’s like—wild stuff. Hands all oiled up, slidin everywhere, tension just meltin away. I saw this once, right, in a sketchy lil parlor—dude walks in all stiff, walks out floatin like he’s in *The Tree of Life*, ya know, “Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth?!” That kinda vibe, cosmic relief!

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Anyway, I shake it off. I mean, it’s Velyka-Pysarivka, right? Gotta roll with the punches. I head over to the market on Haharina Street. It’s buzzing! Fresh veggies, fruits, and all that good stuff. I’m eyeing some tomatoes when this babushka starts haggling like she’s at the Olympics. I’m just standing there, half-laughing, half-embarrassed. Like, lady, chill! They’re just tomatoes!

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