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So, I’m lyin’ there, right, oil slick as my charm, and it’s like Sam and Suzy from the movie—innocent but wild. “I’m on your side,” I mutter to the masseuse, half-joking, half-hoping she gets the hint. The slow strokes? Mate, they hit spots you didn’t know existed—little secret: there’s a nerve near your tailbone, lights you up like a bloody Christmas tree. Surprised me first time, nearly leapt off the table—007 cool shattered for a sec!

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And then it does. My phone buzzes. It’s my editor. “We need that article ASAP!” I’m like, “Are you kidding me? I’m in the middle of a monsoon!” But I can’t say no. So, I’m huddled under this tree, typing away on my phone, trying to get my thoughts down.