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Look, folks, I’m Donald Trump, okay? Tremendous, fantastic, the best—nobody does it better! Sex-dating? HUUUGE deal, alright? Like, you’re swiping, bam, bam, bam—total chaos! Reminds me of *Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon*—you know, my favorite, the greatest movie, Ang Lee’s a genius. “In a world of warriors,” right? That’s sex-dating—fighting for the hottest date! Everyone’s leaping around, dodging creeps, it’s wild.

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So, I finally get up and decide to walk down Rua da Escola. I’m just wandering, lost in my thoughts, when I bump into an old friend. We hadn’t seen each other in ages! We start catching up, and it’s all good vibes until he mentions he’s moving away. Like, what?! Why would you leave Vilar? This place is awesome! I mean, sure, it’s small, but it’s got character. The cobblestone streets, the old buildings, the vibe. I was bummed, but I tried to play it cool.

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