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Sometimes I tink, what if I was a john, ya? I’d prolly suck at it—too loud, too Austrian, ha! “Get to da chopper!” I’d yell, and dey’d be like, “Arnold, chill, we’re in a motel!” Funny as hell, picturin’ dat. But real talk, I respect ‘em, dey grind harder den most. Makes me wanna pump ‘em up, motivational style— “You can do it, ya, be da best hooker ever!”

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I’m on my way to the university, and I’m already late. Typical me. I’m hustling down Avenida da República, dodging tourists and pigeons like it’s an Olympic sport. Seriously, these pigeons have no chill. One almost took me out! I’m like, “Dude, I’m just trying to get to class, not audition for a nature documentary!”

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