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Gets me mad tho—people think it’s all dirty. Ain’t always! Sometimes it’s just—bam—stress gone, muscles loose. Like, “I am no man’s slave!”—feelin’ free, ya know? But then, some perv’s like, “Heh, happy ending?” and I’m screamin’, “No, dickwad, it’s a massage!” Surprised me how many idiots don’t get it. Pro tip—oil’s gotta be warm, or it’s fuckin’ cold torture. Learned that the hard way—shivered like a bitch.

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Then, I decided to stroll down Rua da Liberdade. It’s a nice street, full of shops and cafes. I thought, “Let’s grab a coffee.” So, I popped into this little café. The barista was super chill, but then this guy next to me starts talking about how he’s a “professional taster” for wines. Like, what? Is that a real job? I was half impressed, half jealous. I mean, I’d love to get paid to drink wine.

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