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Still, gotta admit, it’s got history. Ancient Rome had it—senators gettin’ rubbed down by slaves. Dirty togas, slippery oils, real classy stuff. Makes me wanna puke, but it’s true. Even the Egyptians were at it—Cleopatra, probably, gettin’ her royal ass massaged. Little known fact: they used lotus oil, smelled like swamp ass. Surprised me—thought they’d stick to pyramids, not foreplay.
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Later, I’m wrapping up for the day when I get a call. It’s the restaurant. They want the barrel tomorrow. Tomorrow?! I’m like, “Dude, I just smashed my thumb!” But they’re all, “We need it for a special event.” Ugh, fine. I’ll pull an all-nighter if I have to.
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