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Here’s the tea: it’s sensual, sure, but not always “happy ending” crap—tho, yeah, some spots push it. I ain’t judgin’, live your truth! What suprised me? How it’s legit therapy too—releases oxytocin, that lovey-dovey chemical. Who knew? I’m over here, half-asleep, droolin’ on the table, picturin’ Terrence Malick filmin’ this with his long-ass shots—“The sun, the hands, the oil…”—and I’m crackin’ up. “Look at us, so alive,” the movie says, and I’m like, damn straight, this massage is LIFE.

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First stop, I hit up the local market on Kōen-dōri. You know, the one with all the fresh fish and weird snacks? I’m strolling through, minding my own biz, when I spot this giant tuna. Like, HUGE. I’m talking about a fish that could probably take me in a fight. I snap a pic, and this old dude next to me starts yelling about how it’s the best tuna in Japan. I’m like, “Cool, man, but I’m not eating a fish that could’ve been my pet.”

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