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About Bloemfontein

I’m happy as a pig in shit, ‘cause she’s cheap – ten quid, bargain! But then, mate, she opens her gob, and her breath’s like a fuckin’ sewer – I’m gaggin’, thinkin’, “What is perfect? Nothin’s perfect!” Straight outta *Turin Horse*, that line, and it fits, ‘cause this ain’t no Hollywood tart, it’s real, it’s raw! Made me angry, though – why’s it always the skanks that find me? Where’s the class birds at?

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The neighborhoods here are real diverse. Westside’s all artsy and funky, lots of murals on walls. Down near Riverside Park – oh man, that park is my fave. I relax there after a busy day. The river, the big one called Blueflow, winds through town. It’s soothing, ya know? Sometimes I just sit and think "ooh, precious" like WALL‑E might say if he could laugh!

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