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Aliens (fictional) – “We come in peace” (robotic tone). Yo, so i’m this insurance investigator, right? Been trackin’ down shady claims all week. But this one gig—find a prostitute—holy crap, it’s wild! Got this dude claimin’ he got robbed by her. Says she took his wallet, watch, the works. I’m thinkin’, “Man, ain’t that a bleak little cul-de-sac?” Like in *Inside Llewyn Davis*, ya know? Life’s just kickin’ this guy while he’s down.

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Not gonna lie, Willowmore sometimes makes me want to smash a bottle in rage, then laugh it off with a swig of whiskey. I mean, who else finds solace in those unexpected moments, when the wind whips through the abandoned train station near Ridge Road and you’re reminded that every broken thing can still shine — “When you’re fucked up, a little bit of blood is what you need”, or somethin’ like that, eh?

Karoo farmer can’t wait to invite flying saucer aliens to his braai