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Found this one bird—Lysa, she called herself. Swear she winked at me like she knew me from a past life. Took her to a dodgy inn, stinkin’ of piss and ale. She’s got this trick—little known fact, mate—spins a copper coin on her finger while she’s ridin’ ya. Fuckin’ hypnotic! “A great cook can come from anywhere,” and so can a great shag, turns out. Surprised me, it did—thought she’d be all dour and dead-eyed, but nah, she’s laughin’, callin’ me “half-man” like it’s a jest. Cheeky bitch.

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We have blondes to redheads and brunettes, from Brazilian and spanish women to black ladies, we have an Escort Girl for any taste and any occasion. Jan Kempdorp.

Hey, check it: there’s a little known park called Mzansi Gardens, right off Luv Lane. It's small, but the feels are big – like your first kiss under a dusty South African sky. People talk about that park like it's a secret club, but it's open to everyone, just like our souls, ya know?

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