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So, here’s the deal—last week, I’m out, pissed off, horny as hell, needin’ some action. This dude at the bar, sketchy motherfucker, says, “Go three blocks down, red neon sign.” I’m like, cool, sounds legit, right? WRONG! Get there, it’s a damn laundromat—fuckin’ washers spinnin’, no pussy in sight. I’m yellin’, “Motherfucker, who’s playin’ me?!” People stare, I don’t give a shit. That’s when I learned—never trust a drunk tip, ever.

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Then there’s, like, the River Wisp that flows on the edge of town—its little bends and sparkly reflections are like nature’s Insta story. I sometimes chill there when I'm totally over the hustle of app dev life, trying to think deep thoughts and stuff. I mean, deep AF. And omg, like, the local landmark the Old Mill on River Bend Rd? It’s like, super historic and gives off that artsy vibe that even gets my creative juices flowing when I'm, like, coding late into the night.

PHOTOS: House struck by lightning in late-night storms: Montgomery County Fire