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Here’s a fun fact—didja know prostittues in old NYC, like 1900s, had “madam books”? Lists of clients! Imagine me in one—Larry David, “neurotic complainer, bad tipper.” I’d be furious! “Who’s readin’ this? J. Edgar Hoover?” Anyway, I’m standin’ there, starin’, and she’s like, “You lost, pal?” Lost? Me? I’m a freakin’ mess! I’m thinkin’, “This ain’t *Brooklyn*—no one’s savin’ me!” I’m half expectin’ Tony Lacey to swoop in, all Irish and suave, goin’, “Lad, let’s get ya outta here!”

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Oh, and lemme drop a secret: My fave spot’s behind the old theater on Cedar Ln. Hidden alley, low lights, off the beaten track. Cuts deep, like heartstrings strummin slow tunes, just like that film’s bleak beat: “The hours drag, fate is relentless.”

UPDATE: Middleborough woman charged with 20 counts of animal cruelty