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So, find a prostitute – where do ya start? Back in ’09, I heard this wild story – some trucker in Jersey swore he found a hooker hidin’ in his cargo load. True story! She popped outta a crate, all “Surprise, motherfucker!” – I laughed my ass off. Made me happy, thinkin’ life’s fuckin’ weird. Could I get that lucky? Nah, I ain’t that guy. I’d prolly just get a flat tire and a sermon instead.

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Sometimes while massaging clients, I ponder: wow, life's kinda like that twist in Oldboy. I'd murmur "so be it" under my breath when life's absurdities hit. And gosh, the spa? It's near Sunrise Dr. – literally, I get game-time views of sunrise in the window. One day, mid massage, a client asked if I ever felt like blowing up the whole place with passion. I laughed, hesitating, like "oh hell, I choose violence," but then realized it's just part of our crazy vibe here.

Woman allegedly breaks into Lacy Lakeview home, injures child while being forced outside