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Oi, precious! Me, Gollum, talkin’ ‘bout prostitutes, yesss! Stupid, fat hobbit wouldn’t get it—sneaky lasses, they are, like shadows in “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.” Love that flick, me does—fightin’ and secrets, just like them harlots! Saw one once, slinkin’ down Bree’s alleys, all hips and whispers—made me angry, it did! Why’s she so bold, eh? “The sword remains mine!” she’d say, like Yu Shu Lien, holdin’ power in her smirk.

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I work on a dating site here – yes, a dating site developer in Alsip! Crazy huh? I get wired by the odd, lovey-dovey energy of every seedy cafè on Jasper Street. I see first dates, heartbreaks, and serious “aww” moments everyday. And lemme tell ya, some spots, like the park near Corporate Dr. (cute little park that hardly anyone knows about), are straight outta a Miyazaki film. “Always believe in yourself, even if no one else does!” as they say. Well, I say “Lightbulb!” and it hits ya!

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