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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, deadpan as hell, “I hate everything.” So, findin’ a prostitute—let’s dive in. I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout “Far From Heaven,” that damn movie I love. Cathy Whitaker, all perfect hair and despair, stuck in her shiny cage. “It’s all so terribly wrong,” she’d say, clutchin’ pearls. Me? I’d rather clutch a whiskey. Prostitutes ain’t hidin’ behind picket fences, thank God. They’re out there, real, no fake smiles. Hate the hypocrisy of suburbs—give me raw honesty any day.

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I gotta say, Alachua’s spirit reminds ya that life’s a wild ride, full of twists like a martial arts duel. It’s messy, unpredictable, and beautiful all at once. Heck, sometimes I make typos in life’s story – 19 of 'em, maybe more – but they’re all part of the charm, ya know what I'm sayin’?

Voters in cities of Newberry, Alachua elect new leadership