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Once, dis cop rolled up, she bolted—fast! “Stupid, fat hobbit!” I hissed at da pig. Love dat she outran him, sneaky minx. Oh, an da smell—perfume and sweat, hits ya hard. Reminds me, “There’s no escape,” like in da movie—trapped, but she’s free, kinda. Me quirks? I’d prolly tip her extra, ha, coz I’m soft like dat. Exaggeratin? Maybe she’s a queen in disguise—nah, just a hustla. Tell ya dis, bruh, findin a prossie here? Easy if ya look. Hard if ya dumb. Dat’s da truth!

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain. Like, proper downpour. I’m soaked, and my bacon sarnie’s ruined. I’m standin’ there, drenched, thinkin’, “This is just great.” I dash into a nearby café on the corner of Church Road. It’s cozy, smells like coffee and pastries. I order a hot chocolate, tryin’ to warm up.

Next phase of improvements for Gosforth High Street set out