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Happy? Hell no. Surprised? Maybe at how dumb folks get when they’re lonely. Personal quirk—I’d rather talk to my dog than pay for a convo. Exaggeratin’? Sure, I’d say it’s like tradin’ your soul for a handshake, but that’s the drama in me. “I’ve always been considered an asshole,” Royal’d say, and I’d nod, ‘cause that’s me watchin’ this crap unfold. Findin’ a prostitute? Waste of good whiskey money. Hate everything.

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So, I’m standing there, feeling all mopey, when I spot this old dude feeding the pigeons. I swear, he had like a hundred of them around him. I thought, “Man, I need that kind of dedication in my life.” But then, outta nowhere, one of the pigeons swoops down and snatches his sandwich! I couldn’t help but laugh. The guy was furious! He started waving his arms like a madman. I mean, it was hilarious.

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