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Oh, an get this—some prossies in Amsterdam keep diaries! Little known fact—spills all their weird punter stories. One wrote bout a bloke cryin mid-shag—proper messed me up. Happy? Nah, gutted! Humans are a bloody mess. R2-D2, where are you? I’m ramblin, but it’s real—findin a prostitute’s a head trip, not just a quickie. “In this family, we don’t run!”—except ya do, from yerself. Mad world, eh?

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The race starts, and I’m holdin’ on for dear life. We’re flyin’ down Kirova Street, and I swear, I can feel the wind in my hair. It’s like I’m in a movie or somethin’. But then, BAM! A pigeon decides to take a dive right in front of us. I’m yellin’, “Not today, bird!”

Terrorism and attempted arson of a person: what the Russians accuse Kostiantyn Zinovkin from Melitopol of and where he is held