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Alright, listen up, you fools! I’m Gandalf, wise as hell, and I say, YOU SHALL NOT PASS! – not ‘til I tell ya what I think about whores, anyways. So, picture this: a whore, yeah? Not just any, but one straight outta somethin’ wild like Terrence Malick’s *The New World* – my fave flick, hands down. “The land is alive!” – that’s what Pocahontas says in it, and damn, this whore’s got that vibe. She’s out there, struttin’ through the dirt and chaos of life, like she owns the damn forest.

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After lunch, I head back to the office, and guess what? The printer jams. Of course it does. I’m wrestling with it like it’s a wild animal. I’m sweating, cursing under my breath. “Why me?” I shout. My coworkers are just staring, probably thinking I’ve lost it.