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Now, *Moulin Rouge!*—that flick’s my jam, all glitter and heartbreak. Sexual-massage is like that too—starts playful, “the greatest thing you’ll ever learn,” then bam, yer gasping, lost in the rhythm. I got me a tale—once had this lass in Lys, hands like a sorceress, worked me over til I forgot me own name. Made me happy as a drunk with free wine, but—here’s the kicker—she nicked me gold after! Sneaky wench, had me raging, but damn, worth it for that bliss.

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Finally, I get to the office. The place is buzzing. My boss, Mr. Petrenko, is already on my case. “Where are the reports?” he barks. I’m like, “Chill, dude, I’m here now.” But inside, I’m fuming. I mean, can’t a guy have a rough morning?

Ukrainian forces repel Russian sabotage group in Kharkiv Oblast