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But then—happy vibes! Some escorts are total bosses. Little-known fact: back in the ‘90s, this one chick in Vegas ran an escort empire, legit had a Rolodex of CEOs thicker than my glasses. She’d giggle, “I don’t rent my body, I rent my time,” like she’s Amélie droppin’ wisdom bombs—“life’s too short to fold fitted sheets!” Love that hustle. Surprised me how smart some of these folks are—playin’ the game while the rest of us schlubs are stuck at 9-to-5s.

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We bolt outta the lab, and I’m thinking, “Great, just great.” We’re standing outside, and I see my neighbor, an old lady from down the street. She’s just chillin’ with her cat, like nothing’s happening. I’m like, “Lady, there’s a fire alarm!” She just shrugs. Classic Derhachi.

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