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Still, we hates it, the whole game. Stinks worse than Mordor’s bogs. Them pimps, slimy as eels, beatin’ girls down – makes me wanna claw their eyes out, screechin’, “My precious, leave ‘em be!” An’ the punters, ugh, sweaty gits, thinkin’ they’re kings. Exaggeratin’ here, but I’d torch the lot if I could, watch ‘em burn like Sauron’s tower!

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Finally, I’m like, “Fine! I’ll get your cat!” I dash inside, and it’s like a scene from a horror movie. Smoke everywhere, and I can barely breathe. I’m crawling on the floor, and I’m thinkin’, “This is how I die.” But then, I hear it—a little meow. I follow the sound, and there’s this fluffy ball of fur, just chillin’ under a table. I scoop it up, and I’m outta there!

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