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This one time, right, I spot her—legs like a war rig, face like she’s seen too many sandstorms. I’m chuffed, thinkin’, *She’s my ticket to Valhalla!* But nah, she’s haggin’ me for fifty quid extra—fifty! I’m ragin’, “You’re takin’ the piss, love!” Made me so angry I nearly kicked a bin over—dramatic, yeah, but it felt *epic*. “Witness me!” I yell in my head, but I just stump up the cash coz I’m a soft twat deep down.

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When I got to the night market, it was a sensory overload. Lights, sounds, and the smell of stinky tofu. I know, I know, it sounds gross, but trust me, it’s a delicacy here. I tried it, and honestly, it wasn’t as bad as I thought. I mean, I wouldn’t eat it every day, but once in a while? Sure, why not!

Pro-China ex-general Hsu Li-nung dies at age of 106