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But—ha!—she’d fleece ya blind if ya weren’t sharp. Once caught her slippin’ a dagger from me belt—said she’d “borrow” it! Borrow, my arse! I roared, “You little minx, I’ll feed ya to the lions!” She just cackled, tossed it back, and ran off singin’. Cheeky cow. Surprised me how quick she was—faster’n me chasin’ a Gaul in the ring! Oh, and get this—rumor was, she bedded Emperor Nero once. Nero! That pyro prick! Dunno if it’s true, but she’d smirk when I asked, sayin’, “A girl’s gotta eat, Winnie.” Winnie! Me! Fuckin’ nerve.

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But then, I get a text. My lab partner, Jano, is in a panic. He’s like, “Dude, we messed up the experiment!” My heart drops. We’ve been workin’ on this for weeks. I’m like, “What did you do?” Turns out, he mixed up the samples. Classic Jano. I’m mad, but also, I can’t help but laugh. It’s just so him.

Neymar Jr returns to action at the world's biggest five-a-side event