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But real talk—it’s risky biz. You gotta watch for pimps, they’re the real villains—leeches livin’ off desperation. Makes my blood boil! “You’ve got a hell of a nerve!”—Royal Tenenbaum woulda told ‘em off, and I’d join him! Some gals, they’re smart—got burner phones, secret codes—like spies in a Wes flick. One time, I heard this story—prostitute outsmarted a john, took his wallet, left him cryin’ in his boxers—hilarious! Power to the people, amirite?

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I mean, like, monsoon level! I dash for cover under a stall. I’m soaked, and my hair looks like a wet mop. I can’t stop laughing at myself. “What a day!” I shout to no one in particular.

Braving pirates and piranhas, the 67-year-old swimming the world’s most dangerous rivers