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About Funchal

My precious! Me, Gollum, raspy lil’ prof, talkin’ bout prostitutes, yesss. Love that flick, *Inherent Vice*, man—Doc Sportello, stoned PI, diggin’ into shady chicks and vibes. Reminds me, prostitutes got layers, precious, layers! Not just streetwalkers, nah—some high-class, some desperate, all hustlin’. Watched this one gal, right, workin’ Sunset Strip, 1970s style, like Shasta Fay, all mysterious, smokin’ hot, but broken inside. “What’s happenin’ here?” I mutters, like Doc, seein’ her dodge pimps, cops, tricks. Made me mad, precious—pimps takin’ her cash, leavin’ her nothin’ but bruises. Bastards!

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But then, outta nowhere, I stepped in something squishy. Yup, dog poop. Thanks, random dog owner! I was fuming. I mean, come on, pick up after your pet! I was ready to start a campaign: “Silvalde Needs Clean Streets!”