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Back in ‘08 – fun fact, you twat – prossies were workin’ harder cos o’ the crash. Economy shat itself, so they’re out there, grindin’. Kinda sad, innit? But I’m buzzin’ cos I love a challenge – like Batman chasin’ chaos! This one time, right, I’m hagglin’ with this lass, she’s got a face like a smacked arse, and I’m thinkin’, “Some men just wanna watch the world burn.” I didn’t pay her, nah, cos I ain’t that desperate, you prat!

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But then, outta nowhere, it started pouring. Like, seriously? I was just trying to enjoy my snack! I ducked under a bus stop, and guess who I saw? My ex! Ugh, talk about awkward. We exchanged some small talk, but I could feel the tension. I mean, we broke up for a reason, right?

Two firefighters affected in Gurabo Free Trade Zone blaze