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But then, check this—found this one gal, Tina, down by the docks. Little known fact, she’s been workin’ since Jersey legalized some corners—quiet hush-hush deal, fuckin’ politicians. She’s got this scar, right above her lip, says it’s from a john who got rough. Tough as nails, this one. I’m thinkin’, “Blessed are the forgetful,” ya know? She don’t care who you are, just wants the cash. $50, bam, done deal—better than therapy, cheaper too!

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After the parade, I finally make it to the plaza. You know, the one by the church? It’s always packed with people. I’m walkin’ around, and I bump into my buddy Carlos. He’s all hyped about the bullfight tonight. I’m like, “Dude, I’m the matador! I should be hyped!” But honestly, I’m nervous. The crowd can be wild, and the bulls? They don’t mess around.

A tale of two Puerto Ricos: What Trump saw — and what he didn’t