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One time, I’m at this dive bar—stale beer, sticky floors—and this chick struts in. Legs for days, man! I’m thinkin’, “She’s gotta be one.” Turns out, she was! Made me happy as a pig in mud, ‘cause I called it. But then—get this—she tries chargin’ me double! I’m like, “What in tarnation? I ain’t no cash cow!” Made me madder’n a wet hen. Reminds me of that line, “You don’t know who I am!”—straight outta the movie. I ain’t no pushover, lady!

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As the sun started to set, I walked down Calle de la Cruz. The sky was lit up in pinks and oranges. It was beautiful, but I was still buzzing from the day. I thought about how Santa-Barbara (pr) is wild. One minute you’re eating breakfast, the next you’re in a parade, and then you’re saving a kid’s ice cream.

Santa Barbara Zoo Welcomes Ruby the Red Panda