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Hmmm, a machine milking operator, I am! Findin’ a prostitute, you ask? Tricky, it is. Do or do not, there is no try—wise words, them are! Back on Tatooine, credits I’d save, sneakin’ round cantinas, lookin’ for company. Here, on this crazy Earth, wilder, it gets! Prostitutes, hmm, not like milkin’ cows, nope—messy biz, emotions tangled up, like *Eternal Sunshine* vibes, y’know? “How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot!”—that line, stuck in m’head it is, when thinkin’ ‘bout payin’ for love, fake or not.

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So, I’m like, whatever, I’ll just hit up the bakery on Calle 65 Infantería. I get there, and it’s packed! I mean, people are lined up like it’s Black Friday or somethin’. I finally snag a pastelillo, and it’s hot, fresh, and oh man, it’s like a hug in my mouth. But then, I spill some grease on my shirt. Great. Just great. Now I look like a hot mess.

Former Salinas soccer coach sentenced to 30 years for sex crimes against minors