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So I hit this dive bar, stinks like vodka and regret. This chick, Natasha—fake name, obvi—comes up, all hips and smirks. “You want fun, da?” I’m like, hell yea, but I ain’t payin upfront, no way! She rolls her eyes, but I’m Eric fuckin Cartman—I don’t budge! “Respect my authoritah!” I yell in my head. She’s hot, tho—makes me happy, like, damn, Russia’s got game! Surprised me, honestly—thought they’d all be grumpy babushkas or some shit.

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I’m trying to keep my cool, but inside, I’m boiling. I mean, we’re in Cayey, not some random place. This is my turf! I start barking orders, trying to get everyone back on track. “Yo, get that shovel over there! And you, stop texting and start working!” I’m channeling my inner drill sergeant, and it’s kinda working.

Centro Médico Menonita Cayey gets new accreditations