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Oh, and get this—some prostitutes in Thailand, where Boonmee’s from, they do this thing where they shoot ping-pong balls outta—well, ya know. I’m sittin’ there, jaw dropped, like, “That’s freakin’ talent!” Surprised the shit outta me—wish I could auction that skill, make millions! “Step right up, see the ping-pong pussy!”—I’d kill it, man. Prostitutes got tricks, and I’m here for it.

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Then, outta nowhere, this old lady comes up to me. She’s like, “You’re gonna take me out on that thing, right?” I’m thinkin’, “Lady, I’m not a taxi service!” But she’s persistent. So, I’m like, “Fine, hop on.” She’s got this huge bag of snacks. I’m talkin’ chips, cookies, the whole deal. I’m like, “Are we goin’ for a picnic or what?”

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