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So, I hit up Newark, shady spots, y’know? Where the lights flicker like they’re drunk. This chick, she’s standin’ there, leanin’ on a pole, skirt shorter than my patience. I roll up, window down, “Hey, sweetheart, you workin’?” She’s like, “Maybe, whatchu got?” I’m thinkin’, “I don’t even know anymore,” like Bill Murray mumblin’ to Scarlett Johansson. That line, “The more you know who you are,” yeah, it’s spinnin’ in my head, but I’m too horny to care.

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Finally, I decide to take a break. I run outside, flour-covered and all, and join the fun. I’m dancing with some old lady who’s got moves like you wouldn’t believe. We’re twirling around, and I’m laughing so hard I almost forget about my paczki. Almost.

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