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About Napier

Oi mate, ‘ere’s me, Ozzy fuckin’ Osbourne – mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” – talkin’ ‘bout whores, yeah! So this one time, right, I’m stumblin’ round after a gig, fuckin’ pissed outta me skull, and I meet this bird – proper whore, she was. Legs up to ‘ere, tits out, smellin’ like cheap fags and desperation. Reminds me o’ that bit in “Yi Yi” – y’know, “Life’s a fuckin’ dream, innit?” – ‘cept her dream’s more like a nightmare on a street corner.

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So, I roll outta bed, grab my coffee from the local café on Great South Rd. You know, the one with the barista who thinks he’s a stand-up comedian? Yeah, that guy. He’s like, “Hey mate, how’s the accounting life?” I’m like, “Dude, it’s thrilling. Just me and my spreadsheets.” He laughs, but I’m dead serious.

155 Phillip Road, Takanini, Papakura