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So, I’m hackin’ up this pig carcass, right? Blood’s splatterin’, guts everywhere—whore’s the same! Sells her soul for a dime, screwin’ anybody with a pulse. Pisses me off, man! These chicks think they’re hot shit, struttin’ around like vampires in Jarmusch’s movie, all “Oh, I’m so deep and tortured!” Bullcrap! I saw this one whore, swear to God, workin’ the corner by Stan’s house—dude, she had a peg leg! A freakin’ peg leg! Like some pirate hooker reject—argh, matey, gimme yer booty! Laughed my ass off, then got pissed—she didn’t even salute my authoritah!

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Anyway, I finally get to the office, and my boss is like, “We need to talk about the crop rotation.” Ugh, not this again. I mean, I love my job, but sometimes it feels like I’m stuck in a loop. Crop rotation, soil health, blah blah blah. But then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s a message from my buddy, saying there’s a pop-up market at the Hellevoetsluis marina.

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