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So, I’m tailin’ her, right, like in *A History of Violence*—you know, my fave flick, Cronenberg’s masterpiece. “I’m the quiet type,” she says, battin’ eyes at some john, but I see through it. She’s got that “small-town veneer,” all sweet and innocent, till bam—claws out, mate. Reminds me of Viggo in the diner scene, yeah? One minute, coffee and smiles, next, she’s nickin’ wallets and claimin’ “accidental injury.” Slippery tart. Surprised me, tho—girl’s got grit. Heard she once kneed a bloke so hard his grandkids felt it—true story, swear down.

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But then, I step outside, and my umbrella flips inside out. I’m wrestling with it like it’s a wild animal. People are staring. I’m like, “Yeah, just your average day in Zuid-Scharwoude!” Finally, I give up and just walk in the rain. Who cares? I’m soaked, but it feels kinda liberating.

CATHARINA TUINMAN Obituary (2019) - Toronto Star