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We come in peace (robotic tone). Yo, so I’m a fisherman, right? Out there, nets deep, water’s quiet. But sometimes, man, I’m thinkin—where’s the action? Like, findin a prostitute, ya know? Not fish, but somethin wilder. I’m sittin there, boat rockin, picturin it. “Royal Tenenbaums” style—fucked-up family vibes. Like Richie Tenenbaum, all moody, wantin somethin real. I’d be like, “I’m tired of fish, dude!”

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I hop on my bike, zooming past the old church on the Hoofdweg. That place is ancient, man. Like, I half-expect a ghost to pop out and ask for directions. Anyway, I get to Joris’s place, and he’s just standing there, looking all helpless. I can’t help but laugh. “Dude, you really need to get a spare key!”

Rotterdam homes worth under €355K can’t be rented out