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Once saw this gal, red hair, smokin’ a cig like she owned the night. Thought, “She’s got more backbone than half the suits I know.” Didn’t stop, though—ain’t my style. Hate the game, hate the players, hate the johns most of all. Slimebags in pickup trucks, honkin’ like they’re hot shit. You’re not, pal. You’re a walking STD.

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So, I’m fuming, right? I head over to the local café, De Koffiehoek, to recharge my phone and my spirit. I grab a cappuccino, and the barista, this cool dude named Joris, is like, “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” I’m like, “Nah, just trees.” He laughs, and I’m like, “Dude, you have no idea.”

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