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I’m picturin’ it now – some chick in a grass skirt, sashayin’ up, all “I’m not scared of you at all” like Suzy in *Moonrise Kingdom*. Hot damn, that’s an escort vibe! They got this secret power, makin’ ya feel like a king or whatever. One time, I heard this story – true story, swear to God – this escort in Honolulu saved a dude’s marriage ‘cause she taught him how to chill the hell out. Ain’t that nuts? Surprised the crap outta me. I was like, “Holy shitballs, that’s epic!”

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So, I keep walking, trying to shake off the dog drama. I head towards the park, you know, the one near de Zanderij? It’s usually peaceful, but today? Nah. There’s a bunch of kids playing soccer, and they’re loud. Like, really loud. I’m trying to enjoy my croissant, but all I hear is “GOAL!” and “NO WAY!” Ugh, kids, am I right?

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