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Oi mate, so findin a prostitute, yeah? *beep boop* Robotic voice kickin in—cosmic wisdom flowin! I reckon it’s like divin into a black hole, ain’t it? Like in me fave flick, *The Diving Bell and the Butterfly*—bloke trapped in his head, seein the world all wonky. “I decided to stop pitying myself,” he says, and I’m thinkin—shit, that’s me lookin for a prossie! Ya don’t pity yerself, ya just go, cosmic style.

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First off, I grab my gear. You know, the usual: helmet, gloves, and my trusty blaster. I live near the Kerkstraat, so I’m cruisin’ down the street, feeling like a boss. But then, BAM! I trip over a loose cobblestone. Seriously, who’s in charge of these streets? I’m pretty sure I saw a squirrel laughing at me.

Heineken CEO Jean-Francois Van Boxmeer named Vodafone chairman