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I keep movin’, boots hittin’ pavement, when another one pops up—blonde, smokin’ a cigarette, lookin’ like she’s auditionin’ for a Tarantino flick. “You look lonely, sugar,” she says. Lonely? I’m happier than a pig in mud alone, ya harpy. “I’m gonna scalp ya if ya don’t scram,” I mutter, channelin’ Aldo. She blinks, confused. Good. Hate when they don’t get it. Did ya know, in old France, they branded prostitutes with a fleur-de-lis? Marked ‘em like cattle. Brutal, but kinda badass.

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After that, I hit up the beach. The view? Stunning! The turquoise water, the palm trees swaying. I’m chillin’ on the sand, feeling like a king. But then, I see this group of tourists. They’re trying to take selfies, but they can’t figure out the timer. I’m just sitting there, cracking up. Like, c’mon, it’s not rocket science!

Central Hithadhoo MP withdraws from parliamentary election