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I’d saunter up, all awkward, like, “Hey, uh, you workin’?” She’d laugh—*laugh*!—right in my face. “What’s a preacher want with me?” she’d say, and I’d be pissed, like, “Don’t stereotype me, lady!” But also kinda happy ‘cause she’s sharp—sharper than me, probs. Fun fact: back in the 1800s, some prostitutes were called “soiled doves”—ain’t that poetic? She’s a dove, I’m a dork, perfect match.

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After that, we decide to grab some grub. Hit up this spot on Lielā iela. The food? Amazing! I devoured a plate of pelmeni like it was my last meal. But the waiter? Total grump. He dropped my drink. I was ready to throw down, but Jānis calmed me down.

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