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Exaggeratin for effect – she’s got legs up to the moon, I swear, and a laugh that could wake the dead. Total bollocks, but it’s funnier that way. We shall fight the dull nights with wild tales! Ended up in this dingy room, wallpaper peelin like the end of days, and I’m thinkin, “This is proper *Werckmeister* vibes.” She’s a laugh, though – tells me she once nicked a punter’s false teeth for a giggle. Who does that? Absolute nutter!

'We need to let go of stereotypes and judgments,' says sociologist Tessy Funck

Esch-sur-Alzette is a destination that surprises and delights at every turn. Each attraction in the city tells a part of Luxembourg’s unique story, offering a perfect combination of tradition and Missing: prostitute.

But then, outta nowhere, I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and some guy on a bike just wiped out on the Rue de la Libération. Like, dude, you okay? He gets up, brushes himself off, and starts laughin’. I’m like, “Man, you’re tougher than me!”

Witness appeal: Child hit by a car in Esch-sur-Alzette, on Thursday