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So, check this—massage ain’t just rubbin’ skin, nah, it’s deeper. You got nerve endings firin’, blood rushin’, muscles like, “Oh, thank God, finally!” Little-known fact, bro—ancient Egyptians were ALL over this, usin’ oils n’ shit for “sacred touch.” They’d be like, “Pharaoh needs a vibe check!”—and bam, sexual-massage was born. True story, look it up, I ain’t lyin’!

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First customer walks in. It’s this dude, all decked out in his cycling gear. He’s like, “Yo, gimme a double shot!” I’m like, “Sure, buddy, but you might wanna slow down. You’re gonna be bouncing off the walls!” He laughs, but I’m serious. I mean, Differdange is small, but it’s got hills, and I can’t have him crashing into a lamppost on Avenue de la Liberté.

Emergency services: Three fires reported on Tuesday night