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We duck into this shady alley—ooh, the thrill!—and she’s all business, no chitchat. I’m sweatin’, thinkin’, “This is better than hackin’ Harvard’s servers!” She’s quick, pro moves, and I’m like, “You’re the algorithm to my lonely night!” Total sailor jackpot, right? But—plot twist—she’s got a tattoo, “Winklevoss,” on her hip. I’m dyin’ laughin’—HA-HA-HA!—“Did the twins hire you too?” She rolls her eyes, “Sailor, you talk too much.” Fair, I’m a yapper!

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First off, I hit up Hauptstraße. Gotta love that street. It’s like the main vein of the town. Grabbed a coffee at this cute little café, Café Planken. The barista was super chill, but the coffee? Ugh, tasted like burnt rubber. I mean, c’mon! How hard is it to brew a decent cup?

BREAKING: Vehicle Plows Into Crowd in Mannheim City Center