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Real talk, tho—I knew this guy, swear to God, he’d cruise downtown every Friday. Called it “window shoppin’.” Told me once, “Phil, it’s like fishin’—you wait, you bait, you pray.” I’m like, “Man, you’re nastier’n a skunk in a henhouse!” He’d laugh, say, “A man’s got needs!” Yeah, well, so’s a dog, but you don’t see Fido payin’ for it! Made me wanna slap him upside the head, but I just shook mine instead.

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First off, I hit the streets. I’m cruisin’ down Hauptstraße, feelin’ like a boss. But then, BAM! I trip over some random cobblestone. Like, who even put that there? I’m pretty sure it was just chillin’ there, waiting to ruin my day. I’m all like, “Great, just great.”

Brian Eschen, two years into "No shave November"